The Watchmans Study

I was brought up in a dysfunctional household all the way until my 30’s my parents continued to be mentally abusive because I became physically too big for both my parents to deal with. So I divorced myself from them including my sister. I miss them but they are toxic for my mental well being, so I stay away. If I would’ve understood the scriptures, it probably would’ve made life easier to walk away sooner than later in my life.

Honouring abusive parents

> honour your parents, but what if they are physically abusive?

The command to honor parents appears throughout Scripture, but this obligation exists within a larger theological framework that doesn’t require submission to abuse.

While God places parents in authority, the principle of obedience operates “only in the Lord”—meaning that when parents urge transgression against God’s law, children have the right to regard them as strangers attempting to lead them away from obedience to their true Father.[1] Abuse is fundamentally sinful, and children are meant to be cherished as gifts from God, not harmed by those called to protect them.[1]

Honoring abusive parents takes a different form than obedience. Speaking truthfully about a parent’s abuse doesn’t dishonor them; rather, calling abuse what God calls it honors the God of truth.[2] Respectfully confronting abusive parents with truth about their behavior and urging them toward repentance represents a biblical way of honoring them—speaking “the truth in love.”[2]

Forgiveness and honor don’t require permanent submission to parental authority; the Bible commands honor but not remaining trapped in a dysfunctional family.[3] There’s no guilt in maintaining distance from abusive parents when separation isn’t motivated by vengeance—you can honor them from afar.[3] When grandchildren face physical harm or sexual assault, the adult child has a responsibility to protect them.[3] Finding safety in the family of God becomes essential when destructive family cycles threaten wellbeing.[3]

[1] Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger, Bearing the Unbearable: Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2015), 43–44.
[2] Steven R. Tracy, To Heal or Harm: Scripture’s Use as Poison or Medicine for Abuse Survivors (HarperCollins, 2026), iii.
[3] Got Questions Ministries, Got Questions? Bible Questions Answered (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2002–2013).