The Watchmans Study

My partner for almost 12 years is going through testing and treatments for cancer, such an ugly disease, draining the patient and the one providing care. But there is HOPE! Gods promises of always being by our side through this journey.

Spiritual guidance steps

> what to do and where to start for spiritual guidance with a loved one with cancer?

Cancer doesn’t control a person’s life—only God does[1], and anchoring your spiritual guidance in this truth provides the foundation for supporting your loved one. Begin by helping them recognize that hope transcends medical diagnoses and test results, instead rooting itself in God’s promises[1]. The Good Shepherd walks alongside us in our darkest moments, providing protection, purpose, and guidance[2], and you can reinforce this presence through consistent spiritual companionship.

Practically, your role involves several interconnected dimensions. Uphold your loved one through prayer while providing tangible assistance like food, transportation, and companionship[3]. Listen with sensitivity, ensure they never feel abandoned, and make yourself consistently available[3]. When offering spiritual support, listen carefully to their concerns, pray with them, share appropriate Scripture passages, and sometimes simply remain present without words[3].

Help them discover meaning within their suffering. Encourage reminiscence and family sharing, recalling favorite hymns and Bible passages that contextualize their life within something larger[3]. Their suffering can become a powerful testimony to God’s faithfulness, and when others witness the strength and hope flowing from their relationship with God, it may draw others closer to Him[2].

Finally, attend to their physical and emotional comfort. Pain control and comfort measures, combined with gentle, loving touch—a hand on the shoulder or holding their hand—communicate human warmth and care[3]. Always tell the truth, hold out hope, and provide spiritual support[3] as you walk alongside them through this valley.

[1] June Hunt, Caring for a Loved One with Cancer (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2011). [See here, here.]
[2] Wayne Hastings, Walking with God Through Cancer: A 40-Day Devotional (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2025), 119–121.
[3] Judith Allen Shelly, Arlene B. Miller, and Kimberly H. Fenstermacher, Called to Care: A Christian Vision for Nursing (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic: An imprint of Intervarsity Press, 2021), 228–230.

> how do I gain Gods strength and mercies while trying my best to be a constant pillar for a loved one going through cancer testing and treatment?

The path to sustaining yourself spiritually while caring for your loved one begins with recognizing that your strength doesn’t originate within you—it flows from God’s daily renewal. Each morning brings a fresh supply of God’s grace and strength[1], and this rhythm becomes your lifeline. Rather than attempting to accumulate strength for the entire journey ahead, God anticipates what you’ll face and provides His grace, faithfulness, and gifts specifically for that day[1].

The practical foundation involves establishing a daily spiritual practice. A daily walk with the Lord through prayer and worship—even if only for a few minutes before meeting the day’s challenges—provides the strength needed[2]. This isn’t about lengthy devotions but about consistent connection. When exhaustion threatens to overwhelm you, remember that God’s grace is sufficient, and His power reaches its fullness precisely in your weakness (2 Cor 12:9–10). Your inadequacy becomes the space where His strength operates most powerfully.

Practically, transfer your burden to God rather than carrying it alone. Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you (Ps 55:22). When you don’t know how to pray or what to ask for, the Spirit helps in your weakness, interceding for you with groanings too deep for words (Rom 8:26–28). Additionally, the comfort God provides to you in affliction equips you to comfort those suffering alongside you (2 Cor 1:3–4)—your own experience of God’s mercy becomes the gift you offer your loved one.

The remaining biblical passages reinforce this foundation: God is your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Ps 46:1), and He strengthens, helps, and upholds you with His righteous right hand (Isa 41:10). Those who wait for the Lord renew their strength and run without growing weary (Isa 40:29–31), while approaching God’s throne of grace with confidence secures both mercy and grace for your time of need (Heb 4:16).

[1] Barbour Publishing Inc, Daily Comfort for Caregivers (Uhrichsville, OH: Barbour Books, 2013). [See here, here.]
[2] Kim Harms, Carried Through Cancer: 70 Days of Spiritual Strength from Cancer Fighters, Survivors, and Caregivers (Nashville, TN: B&H Books, 2025), 118.

> I have become weak at times falling and failing a feeling of, I feel I cant show her my tears cause I don’t want her relying on me, but to rely more on God

Your instinct to shield her from your pain comes from love, but it may actually distance her from both you and God. When Jesus emptied himself of power and became human, he demonstrated that vulnerability and weakness are themselves gifts within caregiving relationships[1]—not failures to hide. Your tears aren’t weakness; they’re honesty.

The burden you’re carrying reflects a misunderstanding of your role. Ministry happens not through professional detachment but through vulnerable brothers and sisters who know and are known, who care and are cared for[1]. You cannot simultaneously be a pillar of strength and a genuine human being. You are not the healer or the giver of life—you are a broken, vulnerable person who needs care as much as anyone you care for[1].

When you hide your tears, you inadvertently communicate that struggle is shameful and that faith means never falling apart. Instead, let her witness your honest dependence on God. God’s power reaches completion precisely in weakness, and when you are weak, you become strong (2 Cor 12:9–10). Your tears, offered before God and shared with her, become a testimony to His sufficiency—far more powerful than false composure.

Practically, you need community around you. Caregivers lose hope when isolated and unaware that others face similar struggles; you need a community that understands your specific burden[2]. Find someone—a pastor, counselor, or trusted friend—with whom you can be completely honest about your falling and failing. Talking won’t change circumstances, but it helps immensely; allow others to witness your sorrow and spend time with you in it[3].

Your loved one’s deepest need is to see God’s faithfulness, and that becomes visible through your honest struggle, not your pretended strength. You are treasure in fragile clay jars, afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not despairing (2 Cor 4:7–9)—and that paradox is the gospel made visible.

[1] Henri Nouwen and Susan Martins Miller, Hope for Caregivers: A 42-Day Devotional in Company with Henri J. M. Nouwen (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Formatio, 2022), 19–20.
[2] Donald R. Koepke and Charles Fahey, The Essential Spirit: Providing Wholistic Services to and with Older Adults (Eugene, Oregon: Pickwick Publications, 2016). [See here.]
[3] Stephen M. Saunders, Helping Christians Obtain Treatment for Mental Illness, A Christian Guide to Mental Illness (Milwaukee, WI: Northwestern Publishing House, 2019), 2:490.