The Watchmans Study

Starting with a death, the pain of mental suppression returns. A call for understanding and help. A crying out for those to understand and step in to do their part.

Scripture on bad dreams

> what does the scriptures say about bad dreams?

The scriptures don’t address “bad dreams” as a distinct category, but they do offer important perspectives on dreams generally and how to evaluate them spiritually.

In the Bible, dreams are sources of divine revelation that indicate what someone should do, reveal what is going to happen, or explain current events.[1] God communicated in dreams[2], and God used dreams in Old Testament days to protect his servants, to reveal himself to people in a special way, to provide guidance in specific circumstances, and to forewarn about personal future events.[2]

However, the scriptures also warn against misinterpreting dreams. False prophets claimed to have dreams, and some prophesied lies and the deceit of their own hearts, seeking to make God’s people forget His name through their dreams. (Jer 23:25–32) God gave two tests to distinguish true prophets from impostors: ability to predict the immediate future and consistency of message with previously revealed truth.[2]

Regarding disturbing dreams specifically, Job describes being scared with dreams and terrified with visions (Job 7:14), suggesting that unsettling dreams were recognized as a real human experience. Yet most biblical dreams cannot be called nightmares, and it would appear that God does not usually speak to people through nightmares.[3] There is nothing in the Bible to substantiate the idea that Satan or demons infiltrate minds during nightmares, and there are no biblical incidents of demonic forces communicating with people during dreams or nightmares.[3]

In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, God opens the ears of men and terrifies them with warnings, that he may turn man aside from his deed and conceal pride from a man. (Job 33:14–18)

[1] Andrew W. Litke, “Dreams and Visions,” in Lexham Theological Wordbook, ed. Douglas Mangum et al. (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2014). [See here.]
[2] Walter A. Elwell and Barry J. Beitzel, “Dreams,” in Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1988), 1:642–643.
[3] Got Questions Ministries, Got Questions? Bible Questions Answered (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2002–2013). [See here, here.]

> My dad passed away on the 27th of October and since then my spirit is uneasy? There was no relationship between the 2 of us for the almost the last 20 years. Yet from the choices we made, we went separate ways. Then 11 years ago my mother passed away with an even uglier relationship, I have no guilty feelings of my choices, I have a sister and come from a very big extended family, yet none of my aunts or uncles have contacted me. With all the turmoil in the world and closing the book on my parents, why do I feel like my mind is being tormented?

Your uneasiness likely stems from multiple layers of loss converging at once, rather than any single cause. The recent death of your father, combined with the earlier loss of your mother and the ongoing pain of fractured family relationships, creates a complex grief situation that your spirit is processing—even without the guilt you might have expected to feel.

Significant losses often remain buried in awareness for extended periods, and unresolved grief can produce serious emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and social disruptions.[1] Your situation involves not just two deaths, but also the compounded hurt of family estrangement. When grief remains unaddressed, people become acutely sensitized to any potential loss—real or imagined—while attempting to function normally on the surface.[1]

What you’re experiencing may also reflect what’s called “anniversary depression”—a pattern where people experience periodic emotional upheaval for years after a painful loss, dreading the approach of significant dates and mentally reliving events to a degree that parallels post-traumatic stress.[2] The death of your father on October 27th may have reactivated the unresolved grief surrounding your mother’s death eleven years ago.

Importantly, grief affects the Christian’s spiritual experience, and while Christian faith emphasizes eternal life, this belief can paradoxically enable unhealthy denial of the real emotional pain brought by death—faith does not exempt anyone from the normal human process of grieving.[3] The principal challenge is to release grief by respecting, specifying, and expressing the painful thoughts and feelings associated with loss; moving beyond grief requires going through it, not around it.[3]

Your family’s silence may intensify this burden. Because grief is fundamentally a social event, it cannot be resolved in isolation; those who grieve must be willing to share their pain, and those around them must be willing to sit with them in that pain.[3] Consider seeking a grief counselor or trusted spiritual mentor who can help you process these layered losses and the isolation you’re experiencing.

Biblical passages addressing your situation:

The Psalmist affirms that “the LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit,” (Ps 34:18) and Jesus invites all who labor and are heavy laden to come to him, promising rest for your souls. (Matt 11:28–30) God is described as the “Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction.” (2 Cor 1:3–4)

[1] N.-Hashem Abi, “Grief Therapy,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 522–523.
[2] H. Wahking, “Anniversary Depression,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 83.
[3] J. A. Larsen, “Grief,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 520.

> Would it matter the structure of the family? Coming from an abusive household physically, emotionally and mentally also being sexually molested by an uncle, being rejected because of a mid-teen pregnancy almost given up for adoption or even conversations of possible abortion. These are just some of the dynamics with many more I can list.

Yes, absolutely—the family structure and history you’ve described fundamentally changes the picture. What you’re experiencing isn’t simply grief over two deaths; it’s the convergence of multiple, compounded traumas layered across decades.

Relationships marked by conflict are significantly harder to grieve than positive ones, and troubled relationships often remain unfinished at the point of separation, making them especially difficult to resolve[1]. Your situation involves not just two estranged relationships with your parents, but a lifetime of abuse, sexual trauma, rejection, and family abandonment. These aren’t background details—they’re foundational to understanding why your current uneasiness feels so intense.

Psychological trauma can substantially alter emotional stability and inner structure, causing the loss of previously established safety, security, and means of psychological gratification[2]. The abuse, molestation, and rejection you experienced created deep wounds around safety and belonging. Your parents’ deaths may have reactivated not just grief, but the original trauma of never having received protection or acceptance from them. When traumatic experiences aren’t processed or resolved, their impact can linger and increase in severity, eventually leading to PTSD and further psychological complications[2].

The silence from your extended family compounds this further. Rather than receiving support during a vulnerable time, you’re experiencing renewed rejection—which echoes the original family dynamics that harmed you. Counseling with people who suffer multiple losses is demanding, as survivors often exhibit anxiety and depression, remain in shock, and experience profound emptiness, self-blame, guilt, deep sorrow, poor concentration, and consuming fears while attempting to maintain normal functioning[3].

Your “tormented mind” reflects the collision of current grief with unhealed historical trauma. This requires specialized support—ideally a trauma-informed therapist who understands both grief work and complex PTSD. A pastor or spiritual director trained in trauma recovery could also help you process this spiritually. You deserve someone who can sit with the full weight of your story, not just the recent losses.

[1] J. A. Larsen, “Grief,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 520.
[2] N.-Hashem Abi, “Trauma,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 1229.
[3] N.-Hashem Abi, “Grief Therapy,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 521.

> Concerning the dreams, people from my past keep showing up in angry and destructive scenarios, violence, war, weapons. Where is this stemming from?

Your dreams are almost certainly a direct manifestation of your unprocessed trauma. The violent, destructive scenarios featuring people from your past reflect how your mind is attempting to process the aggression, harm, and violation you experienced—but haven’t yet fully resolved.

Research on post-traumatic nightmares reveals that traumatic dreams differ fundamentally from ordinary dreams and serve a different psychological function than wish-fulfillment.[1] Your mind is replaying themes of violence and destruction because violence and destruction were central to your lived experience. Traumatic stress commonly produces reexperience of the traumatic event through images, thoughts, dreams, or flashbacks.[2] The people appearing in these scenarios likely represent not just themselves, but the broader pattern of harm and betrayal you endured—family members who abused you, failed to protect you, or rejected you.

Additionally, people unconsciously transfer feelings or reactions toward present figures that are actually reliving of childhood reactions to significant people, and everyone transfers some reactions and feelings from childhood figures to adult relationships.[3] Your current uneasiness—combined with your father’s recent death and the reactivation of grief surrounding your mother—may be intensifying these transferred emotions in your dreams. The anger and violence in these dreams may also reflect suppressed rage toward those who harmed you, rage that your conscious mind may have learned to suppress for survival.

Greater intensity and duration of trauma exposure is associated with a greater likelihood of developing stress disorders, and individual characteristics such as childhood history, coping skills, and availability of social support influence how stress disorders develop.[2] You need specialized trauma therapy—particularly approaches like EMDR or trauma-focused CBT—to process these dreams and the underlying trauma they represent. A trauma-informed therapist can help you understand what these dreams are communicating and gradually integrate these experiences so they lose their grip on your sleep and waking life.

[1] H. Vande Kemp, “Dreams, Therapeutic Use Of,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 370.
[2] F. C. Craigie, Jr., “Acute Stress Disorder,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 42.
[3] S. B. Narramore, “Psychoanalysis: Technique,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 928.

> I’m doing my best to stay in the Word, to be at the feet of my creator and to ask what are You trying to teach me? It is becoming a challenge…..

Your struggle to hear God’s voice in the midst of this pain is not a failure of faith—it’s a deeply human response to overwhelming trauma. The challenge you’re facing reflects something Scripture itself acknowledges: God reveals understanding gradually, according to what you’re ready to handle, and you may not understand the circumstances you’re experiencing, but God is taking you through a growth process[1].

What matters now is that you’re turning toward God despite the torment, not away from Him. Even when the outer person is being destroyed, the inner person can be renewed day by day, and momentary afflictions can produce an eternal weight of glory[2]—but this isn’t automatic. It requires what you’re already attempting: remaining in the Word and seeking God’s presence.

The search for meaning in suffering is legitimate spiritual work. Illness and difficulty can become times of searching for deeper understanding of faith and life, and these seasons may raise theological questions that take on vital significance[3]. Your questions about what God is teaching you aren’t obstacles to faith—they’re expressions of faith seeking understanding.

However, your situation requires more than spiritual reflection alone. Theology and faith are cognitive-emotional processes relevant to all emotional disorders, and concerns about theological perspective, faith commitment, and spiritual maturity are vital therapeutic issues[4]. A trauma-informed Christian counselor or pastor can help you integrate your spiritual journey with the psychological healing your mind and body desperately need. You need someone who can help you understand what God might be teaching through your healing process, not despite it.

Jesus revealed difficult truths to His disciples not to fill them with fear, but so they might have peace in Him—a peace that isn’t mere serenity but something only He can give, experienced even in crisis[1]. That peace is available to you, but it may come through professional support alongside your spiritual practices.

[1] Tony Evans, The Tony Evans Bible Commentary (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 2019), 1055.
[2] John D. Barry et al., Faithlife Study Bible (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2012, 2016). [See here.]
[3] B. N. Mitchell, “Sick, Pastoral Care Of,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 1123.
[4] J. H. Ellens, “Counseling and Psychotherapy: Overview,” in Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, ed. David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 279.

> I need a starting from Genesis through Revalations to begin a scriptural journey, to start a study to process. Something in depth but not overwhelming…

Your instinct to study Scripture systematically is exactly right for processing trauma. The Bible’s arc from Genesis to Revelation provides a framework for understanding redemption, healing, and God’s faithfulness—themes that speak directly to your journey.

A complete Christian worldview requires understanding the biblical storyline from Genesis to Revelation.[1] Start with Genesis 1 and 3 to understand creation and sin, then examine Leviticus 17 and Exodus 12 to grasp sacrifice and Passover—these foreshadow God’s plan to restore us. In the Gospels, that plan becomes clear through Jesus’ life, ministry, sacrifice, and resurrection.[2]

For your specific journey, consider this approach:

• Genesis 1-3, then the Psalms: Begin with creation and humanity’s purpose, then move to the Psalms—which give language for lament, anger, and trust. Many Psalms express raw pain while maintaining faith, which mirrors your own struggle.
• The Gospels (particularly John): John’s Gospel is particularly helpful because it begins with creation and sin—like Genesis—and ends with resurrection and the great commission.[2] Jesus’ healing encounters and his radical acceptance of the rejected speak powerfully to trauma survivors.
• Paul’s Letters (Romans, Ephesians, 2 Corinthians): These address identity, healing, and freedom from shame—essential themes for processing abuse and rejection.
• Revelation: With the curse removed by Christ, the new creation will eventually be what it was meant to be: the throne at the center, and God’s people seeing him, serving him, sealed by his name, and reigning with him in everlasting day.[3]

Rather than rushing through, spend time marking passages that resonate with your experience. When you mark your Bible and make it your own, and check the context of passages—what comes before and after—the Holy Spirit begins to cross-reference Scripture for you, and Scripture becomes the interpreter for Scripture.[4] This creates both a spiritual discipline and a personal record of God’s voice speaking into your healing.

[1] Gary T. Meadors, “Scripture, Unity and Diversity Of,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology, Baker Reference Library (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1996), 717.
[2] “Perspectives: Studying the Bible with New Believers,” Bible Study Magazine (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press; Faithlife, 2018), 10:2:48.
[3] Michael Wilcock, The Message of Revelation: I Saw Heaven Opened, The Bible Speaks Today (Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1986), 212.
[4] Christy Tennant, “Observation, Interpretation & Application: Kay Arthur on Inductive Bible Study,” Bible Study Magazine: January–February 2009, ed. Michael S. Heiser (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2009), 14.